Civil divorce laws are challenging to navigate, so imagine having to navigate two sets of divorce laws. For members of the Jewish Orthodox religion, it is necessary for the wife to get approval from the Husband (known as a Get) if she wishes to re-marry within the religion. Traditionally, the husband grants a Get when a couple gets divorced by their Rabbi (spiritual leader). A recent article in the New York Times, Religious Divorce Dispute Leads to Secular Protest shared the story of the negative effects on the family and children of failing to reach a divorce agreement.
Many individuals going through the divorce process find themselves in a situation where they can leverage their responsibilities in order to maintain control over the other party. Where kids are involved, such as in the New York Time’s article, it is a zero sum game. Neither party is going to win, because the children are negatively affected by the parents positional negotiating. If she wishes, mom will not be able to have a traditional family in her life and dad will not get to see his children as much as he would like. It is necessary for the individuals to put their ace cards back into their hands and focus on working together for their children’s sake, which is most likely both parties’ interests. The famous book Getting to Yes breaks down the strategy.
There is no such thing as a relationship that is too fractured to repair. There will be situations that require more time and energy, but with the right professionals involved it can be done. If you or someone you know is beginning to walk down this road then take it upon yourself to seek or offer help.