Four Tips When Telling Your Spouse You Want A Divorce
Telling your spouse that you want a divorce is stressful. Putting off telling your spouse is easy. Summoning the courage to tell your spouse you want a divorce is difficult and how it is done sets the tone for the divorce proceedings. Once you have made the decision that you want a divorce, the following are four (4) important tips to utilize when telling your spouse you want a divorce.
- PICK A PRIVATE LOCATION. The more privacy the better. A common place to tell your spouse is at your home. It allows you and your spouse to openly communicate without the chance of being overheard. It also provides a space where both spouses can process their emotions relating to the end of the marriage. If you have children, find a time when the children are not home to break the news of the divorce to your spouse. (caution: if you have experienced domestic violence in the past or anticipate a violent reaction, then break the news to your spouse in a quite public location or via a third party).
- BE KIND. It is important to consider your spouse’s feelings when you tell them you want a divorce. Acting with kindness towards your spouse can result in an cordial and less costly divorce process. Do not lay blame. Starting off the divorce process in an amicable manner will result in a higher likelihood that you will be able to work through the process without acrimony.
- LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR SPOUSE HAS TO SAY. In that moment, your spouse is learning and processing the news that you want a divorce. It is important to listen to what they have to say. Allow them to talk, even if you don’t agree with their position. You do not have to agree with your spouse on the reason the marriage broke down.
- DECIDE TOGETHER HOW TO NOTIFY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. After you and your spouse have had the talk, figure out the best way to tell your friends and family. Some couples tell their loved ones immediately, others wait until the divorce has been filed. It is highly suggested to jointly notify your children. A divorce is very difficult on children and jointly communicating this dramatic change in their lives provides them comfort.
How and when you tell your spouse you want a divorce depends on your relationship. It is important to take into account their feelings when you tell them. When you decide that you are ready to talk to your spouse about filing for divorce, there is one way that you should avoid breaking the news to them, in a public manner.
Take for example this man in Australia who went to the airport to greet his returning partner. He, like many people greeting a returning loved one, brought a large sign with him. His sign read: “I know you cheated.” An onlooker took a photo of him holding up the sign and posted it on social media. The post quickly went viral. While it is unknown what happened after they left the airport, a short-term feeling of retribution is not worth the long-term acrimony such actions cause.
If you are thinking about filing for divorce, call an experienced Boston Divorce Attorney who can advise you on your rights prior to filing for divorce.